Thursday, August 13, 2009

Yike's Showdown | 3 The Hard Way

Since a certain serialized young adult novel is merely a few days from being finis, kaput, ende, no mas ... some of you have been buzzing in at the Hottline (1-800-MORE-SODURR) to ask the inevitable: "When will our phavorite alterna-sodablog be delivered more phrequentlee?"
The answer is: "¡Sí, Se Puede!" Weekly Phizz should go back to being ... err (fingers crossed) ... more weekly. But that's assuming no phatal illnesses or unwanted houseguests find their way to our lair. And what better way to celebrate this unanticipated trium-fant return than a healthy co-ed game of laser tag? OK, we lied. No lazrtagg. We here at the W.F. Offices, L.L.C. are more than a wee bit scared of the dark. Give us our night-night and a Louisville Slugger 'neath the pillow and we can only hope morning comes without enduring a panic attakk.
What I really meant to say was ... what better way to celebrate the return of WF than a YIKE'S SHOWDOWN! We're sipping all three beautiful bottles pictured on the upper left, blindpholded, wearing straightjacketz and suspenderz, then writing the way we pheel inside. (Ed. note: We already feal pretty good. Not only are certain old trends currently getting replaced with lengthy naps and uninterrupted reading sessions, but, just take a look at the near-perfect coloration on those beauts! Wouldn't YOU feel good?)
Here we grow with Numero Uno. Blindfolds on. No peeking. Peach Pop tastes like sailing on pink clouds. And not being dead, but very much alive. The peach flavor tastes far from overbearing and, well, tasty. Next, please. Blue Bubble Gum Pop is like one might imagine only 50 times bettr. It's diving from a board into a pool philled with bubblegum, cream soda, blueberries and pool chemicals — a feeling one wishes would last forevr. Green Apple Pop, however, is jollyranchier. I do not like green apples and ham, Sam-I-Am, so maybe you should talk to someone who duzz. In the next focus group meeting we'll be referring to this one as the greenheaded stepchild, and plotting ways to humiliate it in publick.
(Vanna, where'd you run off to? We need you to announce that BLUE is the winner. Vanna, are you dead?) It was not quite a foto phinnish, but several pheet behind came LE PEACH (4th from the last, in bowling lingo). And sorry, green apple. We hate you.
So we'll give you — the audience — a brief cirius history lesson and then we be dunn. Yike's flavors are certainly what you might call rare. The soda is "produced exclusively for EZ Mart Stores, Inc." out of Texarkana, TX. It's a shame indeed, because no one in the world should be deprived of the physical greatness of Yike's. Where we got these bottles, howevr, is a mystery. Somewhere in North Alabama or Southern Tennessee, we think. It wasn't at the Boobie Bungalow (at least not if yer children are reading. This blog's got a TV-14 rating.)
**UPDATE:: Steph says Yike's came from the EZ Mart close to her home. Mystery solved!
Thanks for tuning in. C U nexxt week!


mteph said...

i am overjoyed to see the return of weekly fizz! and to kick it off with a showdown, well that is mighty fine indeed. (ps. the yikes came from the ez-mart near my home. they usually have the cheapest gas.)

johnyam said...

A video interview of a soda pop store owner. I though you guys would enjoy.