Melon Lanio | The Seedless Sensation

Roll up your Sunday shirt sleeves. Melon Lanio is a lovable beverage that was birthed into the world by the same loving folks that perfected Iron Beer. With love. And boy did they do a number on the sweetest member of the cucurbitaceae family. Eh? We'll try to keep it simple. Drink the melon stuff. It's good shit.

The details: Melon Lanio is highly-sweetened with 53g of sugar. Don't tell Mom that part. You know how she gets. If she asks, you can tell her how there's no caffeine and stuff. She always appreciates that. And you might mention the natural flavors. That'll make her happy. But not the artificial ones. She doesn't like those. Got it?

Seriously. Stop reading. Go get yourself some and drink it by the pool, or better yet, in the pool (preferably laying on a raft while you're trying to catch some rays). And hey, make sure to spit out the black seeds. We don't want you to get sick with exams coming up. And no, you can't leave the reunion early. Aunt Linda hasn't seen you since you in years. And yeah, I know it's kind of weird she bought you and your sister all those Golden Girls DVDs last Christmas, but show that lady some respect. Got it?

Alright. So I probably shouldn't have told you about Melon Lanio, because- you guessed it- it's nearly impossible to find. Luckily I found some cans at Sodamania/Subs n' Such, but there's a good chance you won't find M.L. at all, unless the folks at Sunchy FL Distribution Company can be coaxed into selling you some. And, of course, there are other more common watermelon beverages that we can talk about later.