This New Year's Eve was not different than others in that many found themselves celebrating by popping champagne bottles. I, however, saw myself consuming glass after glass after glass after glass after glass of Celeste Peach Soda. "What're you doing over there?" one of my closest, most beardest friends asked. "Nothing," I told her, and then, "leave me alone," and also something along the lines of, "it's none of your business, you foolish stupid stupid foolish foolish person!" And I ran to the nearest closet, tears falling like bad weather. Minutes later, I was being dragged from the house by my ankles, but only after I'd managed to smuggle another bottle under the coatsleeve of my windproof jacket.I grabbed my necklace/whistling device and blew my special top secret birdcall whistle-sound for my special hired personnel cab driver person to arrive. I hopped in. He offered some water. I drank the entire pitcher, and then broke it over my head, thinking how weird is it that pitchers are made of glass these days? After that, my recollections are vague, though I do remember pulling up unannounced at another party, cursing everyone in sight, and the coolers especially for housing only cans of cheap beer and warm Diet Pepsi Lime.
Now, thankfully, Celeste sodas (and energy drinks) have been planted at various gas stations throughout the South. According to this article, they can be found at The Pantry, Kangaroo Express, Cowboys, Handy Way, Quick Stop, Zip Mart, Fast Lane, Big K, Depot, Mini Mart, Lil Champ Food Store, and Petro Express. The drinks are strong, tasty, and completely enjoyable in all other regards. They're near perfect on road trips, even better on scuba diving voyages, and forever wonderful when served over ice at bat mitzvahs. We'll be reviewing another fabulous Celeste product again sometime, hopefully before the shades are pulled over 2009. Maybe we'll even talk to this Celeste and see how it feels to have your very namesake printed on a soda bottle.
These days people like to go on and on about the true meaning of Christmas. With that in mind, I'd like for people to also take some time to reflect on the true meaning of New Year's. New Year's is a time to be spent with family and friends. It's a time for getting conned into an overpriced gym membership. It's a time for kissing total strangers on the lips. Take a moment to remember how bad last year was, and be completely honest with yourself when you envision the thousands of ways that this one could be even worse. Then drink some peach soda, and watch your problems dissolve into oblivion.
(photo: fireworks in Sydney; one of many locations where the author did not spend the holiday)
