Canfield's Diet Chocolate Fudge, Diet Cherry Chocolate Fudge, and Diet Swiss Creme | Because Fat People Are Harder To Kidnap

This week my mom and I went grocery shopping at a local health food store. After failing to find pork grinds for my dad's birthday (should've known) three healthy beverages found their way into my basket. No, we didn't drink them one right after the other, though the thought might have crossed my mind.

Canfield's sodas are sweetened with aspartame and entirely free of calories and sugar. Don't let the "diet" part turn you away, as any one of these are likely better than every Weight Watchers ice cream product combined.

Being the primary flavor in the Canfield's repertoire, Diet Chocolate Fudge is good. Almost like, puddin' pop good. I recommend giving a can to your son every time he trims the hedges. Even if it's the hottest week of July and he throws up afterward, he'll never stop thanking you for it. The C.D.C.F. was first introduced in the 70s, and again in 1984, when Chicago Tribune reporter Bob Greene compared it to a hot fudge sundae. This triggered a great, if not brief era for the thick and creamy drink, as many angry soda consumers were looking for a New Coke alternative.

It's funny what adding cherry flavoring does to the mix, as Diet Cherry Chocolate Fudge ends up making a good idea less brilliant. If you were to throw some chocolate-covered cherries in a blender and add water, you might get something similar to this. Think Coca-Cola Black Cherry Vanilla, where for a while you might say, "Hmm.. this ain't half-bad," but if you offer a sip to the other folks in your household, well, let's just say they'll have your head if you ever mistakenly bring home that twelve-pack again.

To me Diet Swiss Creme tastes like a cream soda with less kick. It's the prettiest can, but probably the most easily overlooked. Still by far my favorite of the three. Though the other flavors should probably be consumed by themselves, the Swiss Creme made a delightful addition to my lunch (PBJ, an apple, and chips, for the curious). I'm gonna have to do it again sometime, looking back on it now.

Canfield's Beverages aren't too difficult to find at health food markets, or Beverages Direct (the latter only if you're lazy and money means nothing to you). I have yet to throw back a Canfield's 50/50- the brand's light Grapefruit and Lime concoction- but I figure there'll be plenty of time for that later. Plenty of time.