Zooce | Japanese Translator For Hire

Zooce Sparkling is a new beverage from Japan that is very hip and very now. Teens and tweens have been drinking it while skateboarding and listening to hip-hop, or so we've read. American adults like us couldn't be more jealous of both the packaging and the taste, so we are begging our young overseas friends to lend us some. Guess we'll be sticking to our Metamucil and Grape Nuts until that time comes.

Look at the colorful animals. It's okay. Go ahead and touch them. They won't bite. Okay, so the leopard-spotted elephant probably might run you over, but only if you forget to feed his buddy the star-spangled moose. The plaid squirrel is harmless, as long as you promise to keep your hands off his nuts.

Now pour yourself a glass. Notice the light taste. Very fruity, right? Kind of like a new sort of hybrid juice/soda? Clear and sparkling and good, isn't it? Unlike many of the beloved sodas in our repertoire, this one goes down smooth, not even leaving behind a an afterparty mess in our bellies.

Zooce comes from the Suntory group. It's difficult to find any English information on the soda (so by all means, tell us what you know). My colleague reminded me of the Bill Murray scene from Lost in Translation where he films a Suntory whiskey commercial. And that, friends, is about all we got.

Heaven

John Yam brought this video to my attention:

Yike's Showdown | 3 The Hard Way

Since a certain serialized young adult novel is merely a few days from being finis, kaput, ende, no mas ... some of you have been buzzing in at the Hottline (1-800-MORE-SODURR) to ask the inevitable: "When will our phavorite alterna-sodablog be delivered more phrequentlee?"

The answer is: "¡Sí, Se Puede!" Weekly Phizz should go back to being ... err (fingers crossed) ... more weekly. But that's assuming no phatal illnesses or unwanted houseguests find their way to our lair. And what better way to celebrate this unanticipated trium-fant return than a healthy co-ed game of laser tag? OK, we lied. No lazrtagg. We here at the W.F. Offices, L.L.C. are more than a wee bit scared of the dark. Give us our night-night and a Louisville Slugger 'neath the pillow and we can only hope morning comes without enduring a panic attakk.

What I really meant to say was ... what better way to celebrate the return of WF than a YIKE'S SHOWDOWN! We're sipping all three beautiful bottles pictured on the upper left, blindpholded, wearing straightjacketz and suspenderz, then writing the way we pheel inside. (Ed. note: We already feal pretty good. Not only are certain old trends currently getting replaced with lengthy naps and uninterrupted reading sessions, but, just take a look at the near-perfect coloration on those beauts! Wouldn't YOU feel good?)

Here we grow with Numero Uno. Blindfolds on. No peeking. Peach Pop tastes like sailing on pink clouds. And not being dead, but very much alive. The peach flavor tastes far from overbearing and, well, tasty. Next, please. Blue Bubble Gum Pop is like one might imagine only 50 times bettr. It's diving from a board into a pool philled with bubblegum, cream soda, blueberries and pool chemicals — a feeling one wishes would last forevr. Green Apple Pop, however, is jollyranchier. I do not like green apples and ham, Sam-I-Am, so maybe you should talk to someone who duzz. In the next focus group meeting we'll be referring to this one as the greenheaded stepchild, and plotting ways to humiliate it in publick.

(Vanna, where'd you run off to? We need you to announce that BLUE is the winner. Vanna, are you dead?) It was not quite a foto phinnish, but several pheet behind came LE PEACH (4th from the last, in bowling lingo). And sorry, green apple. We hate you.

So we'll give you — the audience — a brief cirius history lesson and then we be dunn. Yike's flavors are certainly what you might call rare. The soda is "produced exclusively for EZ Mart Stores, Inc." out of Texarkana, TX. It's a shame indeed, because no one in the world should be deprived of the physical greatness of Yike's. Where we got these bottles, howevr, is a mystery. Somewhere in North Alabama or Southern Tennessee, we think. It wasn't at the Boobie Bungalow (at least not if yer children are reading. This blog's got a TV-14 rating.)

**UPDATE:: Steph says Yike's came from the EZ Mart close to her home. Mystery solved!

Thanks for tuning in. C U nexxt week!

Fanta Muscat | Patience is Key

We're on a roll! Only four months since the last post!

I promised a casual stranger I'd sift through the ashes of "the Fizz" this week, to resurrect the project for a post on a particular beloved drink. A promise from my lips is a promise richer than goat's blood. I'm writing this review on a napkin, sitting on a neighbor's roof with a cherry stem in my mouth. I'm trying to do that thing where you tie the stem into a knot using only your tongue. Saw it on the internet once. I've been hiding from the fuzz since last night. They caught me in a cage sipping a bottle of Fanta Muscat through a (rare) hollowed-out (infant) elephant tusk.

Truth is, "the W.F." has been on my heart a ton lately. When a certain writing project comes to an end—and assuming I'll have found a cure for this rare neck disorder—I'd like to make this blog a more constant, less part-time gig. Right now it seems to be more of a part-part-part-part time gig. Except with more "parts." To those of you who fancy reading vital information related to sodas, I send my apologies. If there's anything you'd like to see in the future on our improved beta 3.1 site, shoot me an email. Or if you'd like, send me sodas. I'll always be willing to drink and write about them. Sometime before Armageddon.

On to the drink...

My third cousin purchased this bottle on a recent voyage to Japan. Japan is a village outside of Hungary, and if I'm not mistaken, it exists on a quaint hill overlooking springs and ferris wheels. Here in Japan, Muscadines run free, along with tiny leprous rabbits. Seriously, this drink is gooder than you can imagine. We drank it over ice, and immediately decided it was time to go sailing. And just so you can fully grasp the absurdity of our admiration, neither of us owns a sailboat, nor do we live by the water. We'd like to live by the water someday, but can only hope to do it after this gall-dern recession ends. Soda bloggers can't find work these days—who saw that coming?

I'd like to find some more bottles of this drink outside of France or Japan, so if you happen to be in-the-know, help a brother out!

Have a great summer, caffeine luvrs. See you soon.